Living In The Bonus Round: #21: Operation Cold Comfort

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

#21: Operation Cold Comfort

Tomorrow I go in for my operation for the basal cell carcinoma, which everyone tells me is no big deal even with the word CANCER written all over it. And I believe them, but it's cold comfort when it involves someone cutting holes in your face. (I say that with a smile).

Speaking of Cold Comfort, I was putting together a playlist on Spotify for all the songs we're going to perform on March 7 at Don't Tell Mama when I realized I have never released a recording of the song Cold Comfort, which is one of the most popular numbers we perform live.

Back a few years ago, Blake Zolfo, Bill Goffi and I recorded a loosey-goosey version in my studio, which I never released because I worried it wasn't "perfect." So last week, I dug into the archives and found it -- and it's not bad at all. In fact, I kinda liked that it wasn't honed to perfection. So, I brushed off the cobwebs and decided to just put it out there. (There are numerous live versions up on YouTube here and there.)

It starts off autobiographical and then I turned it into a love song just to give it some life. The opening line is "I never learned how to dance / My preacher daddy said Jesus would like it / So I never learned how to dance."

Blake once told me laughingly there was more information in that line "My preacher daddy said Jesus wouldn't like it" than in most entire songs. I do love that line. All the lyrics are below so you can follow along.

So, hold me in your prayers as they go digging in my face tomorrow morning. And next week, I'll take a picture of a big bandage on my face.

Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/cold-comfort-feat-steve-schalchlin-blake-zolfo-2022-demo/1792332394?i=1792332395

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3qKOCrf6Zpu29T9Nodweo9?si=4b240c3c723e4b13

Amazon: https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0DTQ2XN1J?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_5qkauVyn4kNi0ywTuMJU0q5rJ

COLD COMFORT
Words and Music by Steve Schalchlin

I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE
I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE
MY PREACHER DADDY SAID
JESUS WOULDN’T LIKE IT
SO I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE

NOW THAT I CAN DANCE
I DON’T KNOW HOW
GOT NO FEELING FOR IT NOW

SO IT’S COLD COMFORT --
COLD COMFORT --
COLD COMFORT
IN MY BONES
IN MY BONES

I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DRINK
I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DRINK
A NASHVILLE DRAG QUEEN ONCE
GAVE ME SOME MOONSHINE
BUT I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DRINK

AND NOW THAT I CAN DRINK
I DON’T KNOW HOW
I GET IN TROUBLE FOR IT NOW

SO IT’S COLD COMFORT - A BITTER PILL
COLD COMFORT - ALIVE, BUT STILL
COLD COMFORT
IN MY BONES
IN MY BONES

COLD COMFORT (NO WARNING LABEL)
COLD COMFORT (I’M ABLE SO I)
WIN THE BATTLE
BUT I LOSE THE WAR

NEVER LEARNED TO MAKE LOVE
NEVER LEARNED WHAT TO DO
BUT I LEARNED ENOUGH TO STAY
HERE WITH YOU

I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO FIGHT
I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO FIGHT
MY MAMA’S HEART WOULD BREAK INTO PIECES
IF SHE SAW ME IN A FIGHT
BUT NOW THAT I CAN FIGHT
I FIGHT TO WIN
SO YOU SHOULD LET ME IN

FOR SOME COLD COMFORT --
COLD COMFORT
COLD COMFORT
IN MY BONES
IN MY BONES
COLD COMFORT
COLD COMFORT - IF YOU LOSE THE BATTLE
BUT YOU WIN THE WAR
COLD COMFORT NO MORE
IF YOU LOSE THE BATTLE
BUT YOU WIN THE WAR
COLD COMFORT NO MORE

--

You are free to stream the songs but purchasing them is the best way to support independent artists such as myself. Or if you have the means, you can make a small donation through PayPal or Venmo using my email address: steveshack@gmail.com.

March 7 at 7pm at Don't Tell Mama here in NYC. Tickets: https://shows.donttellmamanyc.com/8788-steve-schachlin-friends-3-7-25

And please share this with friends!

[This is the hand-crafted newsletter of Steve Schalchlin. If you wish to be removed from the list, send me an email. If someone sent you this and you want to be added, write me at steveshack@gmail.com]--

Steve Schalchlin

Living in the Bonus Round

2024 Songs https://tinyurl.com/3su9t85m

Love Songs by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/stevelovesongs

Personal Songs by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/stevepersonal

Comic/Humor Songs by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/stevehumor

Inspirational Songs by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/steveinspire

Meditation Music by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/stevemeditate

Political Songs by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/stevepolitics

Rebel Nerd Songs - lyrics by Steve Schalchlin

https://tinyurl.com/steverebelnerd

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Listen.

Spotify Links

Love Songs by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/stevelovesongs

Personal Songs by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/stevepersonal

Comic/Humor Songs by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/stevehumor

Inspirational Songs by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/steveinspire

Meditation Music by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/stevemeditate

Political Songs by Steve Schalchlin Spotify Playlist https://tinyurl.com/stevepolitics

Rebel Nerd Songs - lyrics by Steve Schalchlin https://tinyurl.com/steverebelnerd

Quick Links

WATCH Steve's amazing perfomance at the World Domination Summit.

Get Steve's most recent album, Tales from the Bonus Round iTunes, Spotify and IS NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon, Google Play and every other download and streaming service around the world.

DOWNLOAD sing-along materials -- lyrics and mp3s -- for TALES FROM THE BONUS ROUND.

NEWS: Steve has been honored with the first Broadway World 2015 Special Editor's Award for Excellence in Songwriting by BroadwayWorld,com. Here is their description:

In a field with many deserving candidates, this year's first ever BWW New York Cabaret Award for "Excellence in Songwriting" goes to Steve Schalchlin, a New York-based composer and lyricist who has been on quite a cabaret roll the past two years. Although his two biggest recent projects, the CD and subsequent show, Tales From the Bonus Round, and his song cycle, New World Waking, were years in development, Schalchlin performed both in New York over the past couple of seasons.

Bonus Round-which featured Schalchlin at the piano as lead singer--was performed as a cabaret show at the Metropolitan Room in October 2013 (and received a BWW Award nomination for "Best CD Release," and one of the songs garnered a nomination for "Best Original Song for a Cabaret Show"), while New World Waking received a standing ovation when performed at the Urban Stages Winter Rhythms Festival last month.

"What makes Steve stand out above the rest for his recent body of work is that he not only writes both music and lyrics, but also performs his songs," says BWW New York Cabaret Editor Stephen Hanks.

"But even more impressive is that his songs in Bonus Round compellingly chronicled his battle with the life-threatening AIDS disease, while New World Waking offered important messages about how our planet needs to finally overcome violence, war, racism, and prejudice-and how it might be possible through the power of music.

Schalchlin's lyrically powerful and pleasingly melodic songs couldn't be timelier."

Musical Awards and Honors

For the record and to impress our friends and relatives, a partial list of the honors for our musicals "The Big Voice: God or Merman?" and "The Last Session" which I wrote with life partner and playwright Jim Brochu of the recent hit play about Zero Mostel, "Zero Hour".

2013 The Autograph Best Original Music, The Last Session-London. What's On Stage.

Best Score, L.A. Drama Critics Circle 1997 & 2003.

Best Musical, L.A. Ovation Awards, 2005.

Best Musical, ADA Awards 2005.

Best Musical Director, ADA Awards 2005.

Best Lead Actor in a Musical nomination. L.A. Ovation Awards 2005.

PFLAG-LA Oscar Wilde Award, 1997 & 2003.

Best Concert of a Musical, Best Original Writing, Desert Theatre League Awards 2005.

Best Theatrical Production nomination, Off-Broadway & L.A. GLAAD Media Awards, 2004.

Best L.A. Theatre Production, GLAAD Media Awards, 1997.

(And thanks from me to all those groups. Prizes are fun. I like prizes.)