Monday, June 12, 2006

Lance Carroll's Expensive Recovery from Exgay Therapy.

After being forced to endure an exgay therapy program called "Love In Action," 18 year old Lance Carroll describes the nightmare of shame and humiliation that he endured at that program which cost his parents $10,000.

"Basically, their form of therapy is conditioning. It's a negative reinforcement of shame. Anything that you connect to homosexuality, you connect to shame within yourself. You internalize this hatred toward yourself, this homophobia, this embarrassment...two months, every day, morning and evening, they would take turns. A person would get up and you would literally shame them for their feelings...

"I didn't fit their stereotype. I wasn't abused as a child. I had a good relationship with my father. I didn't fit what they thought and they didn't know what to do."

He said that his parents took more away from "Love In Action" than he did. They went home thinking that there was something wrong with him, that needed to be fixed. So his mom began daily rounds of verbal abuse and shaming to try to fix him according to what she thought Love In Action wanted her to do.

You can hear Lance's entire testimony here.

(Photo courtesy of Truth Wins Out.)

Tags: , , , Love In Action,

17 comments:

Travis said...

I listened to this, and all I can say is that the mother should be put in jail for child abuse. Thank goodness he's out of the house.

Travis

Stephen said...

I could not listen due to my computer at work not able too... I don't know all that this young man experienced, but I can tell you that I am a very happy ex-gay... therapy worked for me... saved my marriage and a beautiful family... I hope that as time goes on more and more will find that humans are able to make errors... but the Love and Grace of Christ is perfect... ask Him to show you what you need... if you have questions email me at myfigleaf at comcast.net

SteveSchalchlin said...

Stephen, I have said from the very beginning that people should be free to choose the path that is right for them. If you had a family and if you, as a heterosexual, had some kind of disturbance in your early years that interrupted your sexual development, then you should have the opportunity to work those things out.

But for 99 percent of gay people, their homosexuality is as normal for them as your heterosexuality is for you. They don't need, nor should they be forced into these concentration camps where they are emotionally abused.

If "exgays" took this attitude, that God has made us all different and that we should pursue our identities freely, then none of us would have a problem. My issue with exgays is that they think everyone is, and has to be, straight. It's insanely destructive to both communities that you think everyone has to be like you.

I'm very glad you were able to stay with your family and to do so happily. That's a good thing. But you folks should leave the rest of us alone -- and you should especially leave young people alone. They don't need to be fit into your little box of intolerance.

Alan said...

Excellent response, steveschalchin! Each to his own... if the religious aggressors would understand that then the future of the world, and the world's history, would be a very different, loving and peaceful, story. But for some reason, religion seems to have always needed a villain. And when they can't find one externally, they create their own internally.

I'm happy that Stephen's doing well and has the family life he wanted. I hope he's not still fighting an internal villain daily. Meanwhile, Lance and Zach continue to fight the villain that's been planted in them by the religious aggressors: shame and guilt. How evil is that?

SteveSchalchlin said...

Alan,

You'll notice that these "exgays" never stay in friendships or communion with healthy gay people. It disturbs the ecology of their made-up world to realize that we are happy and centered. They will only deal with gays who their theology has hurt. They need to believe that we're all sick or needing "help."

Anonymous said...

You're right, Steve, and that s because they need continuous reinforcement in order to continue denying their essential nature. I don't know if you're a religious person or not, but I am and I see these people constantly fighting being the way God chose for them to be.

Somehow, somewhere they learned to feel shame or guilt over what they were given for their sexuality, and the exgay training feeds on that, as Lance says. But inside, they know its wrong, so its a constant battle. Its like a guy who's dying of thirst surrounding himself with people who make him feel guilty for drinking water. So he doesn't drink and all these people tell him he's much happier now, although the thirst is killing him, at least, spiritually.

alan said...

Oops! I forgot to log in as myself on the previous comment... sorry!

Anonymous said...

I see that there is alot of good opinions on this page, and thought that I should add my two cents. I think that by taking not sending Lance to the retreat was good not only for Lance, but for his family as a whole. These camps are not drop em off and leave em type camps this is as much for the parents as it is for the child. They may not be right for all children, but put yourself in there place. If you had a young child who was entering into society with mixed feelings about his sexuality along with the many other things that confuse children in todays screwed-up world, wouldn't you too take some time to spend with your child and some professionals to make sure that this was a true feeling as a gay person and not some mixed up feelings that maybe he was getting from other people. I think that what Lance's parents did was the right thing. I have not read any comments that his parents are still hounding him about his sexuality, they have accepted it and moved on. I just wish that he could understand that the very sexuality that his parents are defending is also the sexuality that brought him into this world. So lets please give his parents a break.

SteveSchalchlin said...

The flaw in your theory is that the people who run these camps are not professionals as you indicate in your post. They are amateur religious "psychologists" without degrees who punish these kids for every "gay" thought or move.

These camps should be outlawed, and the people who run them should be banned from every going near a young person. It is child abuse.

Anonymous said...

I can see that you have been to one of these camps Steve. What do you think the answer is Steve? Lets just let them go with out trying to guide them in anyway what so ever. I think that might be why we have so much crime, and so many kids that just do not care. Shame on the people that care for a child and want to make there lives better. My defense is not for the camps/retreats/whatever you want to call them it is for the parents who are being called child abusers because they looked for help in a time of need.

SteveSchalchlin said...

These are not camps that "prepare" young people for the big world. These are conversion camps which exist for the sole purpose of using unprofessional and outdated techniques to turn gay people into heterosexuals. They are run by people with no experience or licenses. If you read the testimonies of the kids who've been trapped into this abuse, they are plentiful.

And worse, they con parents into thinking that they are going to "help" the kids. In fact, they abuse them emotionally, spiritually and sometimes even physically. The parents end up spending tens of thousands of dollars to lock their kids up into these useless places.

The states are investigating them and shutting them down, thankfully, because they rarely have any trained professionals on staff. They are run by people who are religiously motivated to brainwash young people into thinking that being gay is some sort of dirty or "evil" thing.

You really should learn more about what you're talking about. Clearly, Mr. "Anonymous," you know nothing about them.

Anonymous said...

Steve maybe I need to learn more about the camps, but you also need to read the comments that I make. My last sentence states that I am not defending tha camps/retreats I am defending the parents that are trying to make the right decisions for there children. I respect everything you have said, and do not want argue about the camps/retreats. I am more interested in some of the comments about making the kids go to these sessions, maybe these sessions are not productive, but lets not crusify parents for tying to do the right thing. I hope that some of the dialog that I am reading is not solely aimed at the fact the parents make children do things that they do not want to do. I fear the day that there is a law passed that says that children can do what they want, and do not have to follow there parents rules. These are the kinds of kids that are behind bars at young ages and do not have anything to contribute to society.

SteveSchalchlin said...

Few of the kids in these particular camps are "troubled" teens who are acting out. Most of them are nice, normal gay kids whose parents have read literature promising to "cure" them of being gay. Or the kids themselves have been brainwashed into thinking that being gay is some sort of disease.

But I agree with you that the parents are usually victims of these predatory religious snake oil salesmen and are usually just trying to do the right thing. They don't know what these camps are.

Anonymous said...

Steve thanks for the refreshing dialect, I think that we both have valid points to make. I just wanted to make sure that the people reading the posted dialect also understood some of the other vantiage points. Thanks again Steve. Also I want to make clear that I am not against gay's, I just think that there are two sides to every story.

SteveSchalchlin said...

I appreciate the conversation also. I'm sorry you can't reveal who you are. Why don't you write me an email and say howdy?

There isn't "ALWAYS" two sides to every story, btw. There may be two positions, but not always two sides. In this case, uninformed parents who are trusting their spiritual leaders may be misguided and "innocent" of abuse, but there are NOT two sides to the story of these internment camps. They are money sucking centers of child abuse. Period. On this point I do no bend.

Anonymous said...

Thanks again, and I can appreciate your view. I am going to take some time now and research as much as I can about these camps, and there practices. Also I hope that Lance can forgive his partents for trying something that did not workout for him, and understand that as most parents I am sure they love and would like to be apart of his life.

Anonymous said...

Judgment on who you are should be a crime! Lance, I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. We support you fully! I don't know if you ever check this site but its worth a try. This is one of your cousins from KS. I would love to regain ties. My email is hairgal01@hotmail.com

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