Sunday, December 01, 2013

My Obligation as a Positoid on World AIDS Day.


When I first tested positive in 1993, the literature that came from the AIDS Service Organizations had this listed as your number one thing to do:

1. Survive.

That whatever you had to do, whomever you had to beg, whatever humiliation you may endure in public and in private, whatever you do, first you survive. You know, put your mask on before your kid's.

So, when I try to express the gratitude that I feel to you, reader, for whatever part you played in my life or in the life of any other positoid, I fall short. Words are not enough. My obligation, my gratitude is to do exactly what you were working so hard for me to achieve:

Survival.

For Christmas, all I wanted was a stretch or yoga mat which now resides just behind Jim's chair in the living room.

Physicality is not something I've ever been that aware of. My hamstrings are so tight, I can barely bend over from the waist. So, my next goal is to touch the ground. And yes, I'm still running every day.

I don't have a plan for survival except do what makes me healthy. Music is a vital part of it.

But, also, excavating my self-destructive habits. I have a few. 

It's a daily struggle because I want to more than survive. I want my life to have real meaning. 

In fact, my personal obligation is not just gratitude but a return on investment. I want to be worthy of the effort. I want you to be able to look at my life and say proudly, "Look what we did."


My November beard got officially too long.


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