Friday, December 14, 2007

Another Ex-Gay Failure Ends in Tragedy.

Many of the gay blogs this morning have picked up on the fact that the Colorado shooter, Matthew Murray, was another failure of the ex-gay movement. He was already mentally unbalanced, no doubt. (After all, if everyone who failed in their dismally ineffective programs went out and shot someone, we'd have a killing spree like this country has never seen.)
In fact, he may be a victim of the church's ex-gay reparative therapy program. Having failed to find heterosexuality through Jesus it appears that Murray was booted out of the youth program and out of the church. Crushed by this rejection and overwhelmed by rage and despair thanks to the curse of homosexuality, Murray went on a killing spree that ended with himself.
People were wondering why he chose THIS particular church, the one recently pastored by Rev. Ted Haggard, who loved doing crystal meth -- and who claimed to be cured of his homosexuality after a month of "treatment." And, as Matthew says, "...was forgiven."

Matthew, unable to change into a hetero, was kicked out of the program and ostracized by the church community (because some conservative Christian groups cannot bear to be in the same room with people who they think might be gay, even if that person is trying not to be.)

In the larger world of Exodus International, I've met more than a few of these "leaders" who have flat out told me that if someone won't stick with the program, they will literally turn their back on them and have nothing to do with them. And they call this "love." As one put it to me, "Hey, if they choose not to go through the program all the way, why should I waste my time on them?"

(Exodus doesn't keep records of how many fail. They can't. If they did, they'd be even more of a laughing stock than they are. As it is, they're content to simply be a political tool of James Dobson).

So, rejected by family. Rejected by friends. Rejected by the group that claims to "love" them, they end up broken and fallen, and usually on the streets of LA, NY or San Francisco, doing drugs, turning tricks and trying to die -- or they take a gun and end it all. The streets of LA are not filled with out, proud gay men. They are filled with the failures of the exgay movement (whose clients are mostly closet cases). First these "Christian counselors" trash the ones they are supposed to love, and then accuse the gay community of being drugged out and promiscuous.

I want to say to them, "Hey! These are YOUR kids out there. YOU were the ones who created this situation and then you throw them out of your little prayer groups and 'Christian homes' and leave us to pick up the pieces of your spiritual violence. So, first you create the problem and then you blame us for the result."

Clearly, this young man had a lot more trouble than merely believing that he's going to burn in hell for merely being gay or bisexual. But if you think and truly believe that you're only going to end up in hell anyway, why not turn that wrath on the pious, self-righteous people who will forgive a meth-snorting hypocrital liar (who's still lying) like Ted Haggard, but have no love for a lost kid who feels he has nothing left to lose?

Merry Christmas.

Addendum: The Southern Poverty Law Center just issued this brilliant overview of the spiritual violence inflicted by exgay programs.

EDIT: And this is a perfect example of their abuse:


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Poor kid.

I asked St. John of San Francisco to take charge of his afterlife. Poor confused kid, I don't think he's in hell.

I need to say one for Ted Haggard as well, whose case seems to be to be theo more perilous.

Anonymous said...

""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""

Please, this kid was "gay" because he could never be in a stable relationship(gay or straight) with anyone and he needed some intimacy an outlet for his biological urges. If a certain segment of the gay community didn't offer easy semi-anonymous sex then he would have been a "zoophile".

Steve Schalchlin said...

Please, this kid was "gay" because he could never be in a stable relationship(gay or straight) with anyone and he needed some intimacy an outlet for his biological urges.

Readers, this is one of the pervasive myths that clueless homophobes always throw around. That we're "gay" because people of the opposite sex aren't attracted to us or that we're too dysfunctional to sustain lasting relationships.

That's why they send lesbians to "make-up camp" to teach them how to be "pretty" and why they try to teach femme gay boys how to walk butch.

They always think the problem is with us.

Anonymous said...

""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""
""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""
""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""
""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""
""""
"... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."
""""

Steve Schalchlin said...

Anonymous, when someone is told they cannot be gay -- and when the church isolates and ostracizes them -- they will frequently say things like this as a kind of "excuse" to engage in same sex intimacy. It's a last resort type of argument they deliver to people out of frustration.

What he's really saying is, "You people don't love me. Therefore, I'll rebel against you by throwing it in your face."

If he had lived long enough -- and had found a Christian group that was inclusive and who ACTUALLY DID love him -- he wouldn't have resorted to this kind of violence. Clearly, they made him believe he would go to hell and that he had nothing left to live for.

The anti-gay conservative religions are responsible for many more deaths than you know about -- and it is this extreme unlove that kills.

Anonymous said...

This is what happens, Steve, when someone is groomed into hating themselves and the world around them.

Off topic, I'm surprised at the ex-gay survivor bloggers; their silence is deafening.

Mike Airhart said...

I've read several news stories about the situation and it seems to me that the ex-gay group was one small and long-ago link in a long chain of failed interventions.

Murray was kicked out of the ex-gay group years ago because his schizophrenia was freaking people out. Several other groups (not ex-gay) did the same.

Murray joined up with a cult that exploited his mental condition and reinforced his violent impulses.

So there was a string of groups and family members and friends who failed to intervene, failed to get him into treatment (by force if necessary).

I agree that ex-gay groups shouldn't kick folks out on the street, but I fear they're not alone in this particular situation. One could also blame former ex-gays for not providing a safety net soon enough and mainstream therapists for persistently failing to expose and shut down dangerous cults.