Monday, February 23, 2009

Homo Wins! Hemo Walks Away In Disgrace.

I want to make a horror film about a tap dancing werewolf. Oh, wait. I just saw it. It was called "The Academy Awards," though it looked and sounded more like the Tonys. When I said that the Oscars were gayest event of the year, I wasn't expecting them to take me quite so literally. Have I mentioned that I hate big, gay production numbers?

Well, I do. I said it and I'm not ashamed.

But the set looked fab, Milk won in two categories, and the best speech of the night was by its writer, the young Dustin Lance Black. I also like that Sean Penn said "homo" on stage. Looks like I won the contest between Hemo and me.

SAYS HEMO: I got nothing! Nada! I'm going to blog that Penn gave the H2H a shout out from stage. You are right- best speech by the writer!

Our friend said Brody looked like Snoop Dogg. I said that maybe he is playing him in an upcoming biopic.

Actually Snoop Dogg is hosting a variety show soon.

Snoop Dogg. Variety show.

The man can barely string a sentence together. But, wait, Ed Sullivan could barely speak and also had little discernible talent...

Naturally, Joe.My.God. had the two best winning speeches on his blog, so I stole them. As he said, "Sean Penn scored an upset tonight taking Best Actor for Milk. He also probably exploded a few million wingnut craniums with his acceptance speech. HEH."

Doesn't matter. This was the speech I wish I had heard as a kid. Thanks, Dustin. You are a class act.

EDIT: Okay, a gay moment. And it's this dress worn by Reese Witherspoon. I kept waiting for Ethel Mertz to come out in a matching outfit and for the two of them to start pulling it apart. What's with all the black sash things hanging on dresses this year? Kate Winslet's horrific ric-rac covered abomination was just as bad.

Oh, well. What's the Oscars without fashions we can make fun of.

What was even better was watching Tim Gunn of "Project Runway" out there on the carpet, lying his ass off, as he looked at these monstrous creations. That was the most fun of the night.
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