I got interesting reactions from a very concerned and beloved family member who felt that my Jerry Falwell blog entry made me look like a hater. She reminded me that I was raised in the same kind of Baptist church that Falwell preached in, and that I was surrounded by wonderful people who loved me.
I responded by first asking if she actually read the entry. I admitted openly that I was concerned about my feelings toward Falwell. I did not feel that I posted a hateful message. But rather, I was expressing my honest gut feelings so that I could examine them and put them in the light of day. Better, I thought, to tell the truth and admit something I'm not proud of than hide it and pretend otherwise.
I looked around the Net and saw that there were many others who openly despised the man and who felt no guilt whatsoever about feeling that way. Their open scorn and hatred was something they felt he deserved.
Maybe he did deserve that kind of rebuke. Maybe he didn't.
But I deny that my post was a hateful post. I simply told the truth about how *I* was feeling. And said that I was not proud of these feelings. In the Soul Force method of non-violence, hate is a violent act. The question each of us who claim to be guided by the principles of non-violence have to face is how we overcome these very human emotions when confronted by the likes of a Jerry Falwell.
Anyone who reads this blog and thinks that I think I'm some kind of perfect role model isn't reading very carefully. I am the first to admit that I am the least of any of you. I look towards people like John Lennon or Martin Luther King Jr. to find my own role models of behavior. MLK had every reason in the world to hate white people, but he didn't. Instead, he hung in there and he believed in us. He believed that we were better people who were misinformed, and that if he brought us to the table and had a chance to sit with his oppressors, they could find a third position agreeable to everyone.
That's why we marched on Lynchburg. And that's why I try to not judge those who hate me. And that's why I feel my emotions about Falwell are wrong. It serves no one's interest to return hate with more hate.
11 comments:
(speaking) again only for myself, I don't believe I am or was reciprocating. I simply have no intention, like you, about lying about an individual who told me, for example, that I, being gay, am less deserving of God than he.
The fact remains that Jerry Falwell was NOT a nice man; he had no regrets about what he said about gays and lesbians. I've no intention of engaging in revisionism, much less to take baby steps because somewhere someone just lost their father or husband or friend.
Such is the purpose of blogging - for one to express their opinion on a particular matter - right, wrong, politically correct or incorrect. I don't force anyone to read my blog or make a comment; the notion that we're supposed to follow some protocol because of is absurd.
There may indeed come a day in which "we" can look back upon Falwell and see him for his "heart of gold" and "compassion," but that day is not today.
NG, thank you for your very candid comments. I'm just trying to look inside myself and make sure that I am abiding by the standards I have set for myself, Falwell or no Falwell. You know what I mean? I can tell you that there will be NO revisionism when it comes to this man for me.
I'm not suggesting that anything he did was excusable. I came face to face with him and I have no fantasies about what he was or what he did. I have no control over his life and his life choices.
But I do have my own choices. I have made a commitment to non-violence of heart, word and deed. That is my personal choice. And when I find myself violating those standards, then it's up to me to self-evaluate and find the path that will satisfy my core convictions.
There is room in this world for all of us, and I think it's more important that we be truthful about our feelings than to try to just please everyone. Don't you agree?
I simply have no intention, like you, about lying about an individual who told me, for example, that I, being gay, am less deserving of God than he.
Unfortunately, given the reactions I've seen from the gay community, "lying" about Falwell involves refusing to indulge in hate speech or wishing his soul to hell.
John Donne, building on the idea that we should love others as we love ourselves, made it clear that each death affected humanity the same, regardless of the person.
Taking joy in Falwell's death, then, and using it as a reason to indulge in hate speech is the same as doing it for your beloved grandmother.
I daresay if people kept that in mind, their tongues and emotions would be far easier to control.
> Unfortunately, given the reactions I've seen from the gay community, "lying" about Falwell involves refusing to indulge in hate speech or wishing his soul to hell.
He's been a vicious enemy of our community for a very long time. I think the emotionally charged reactions have been quite understandable. You will find the same kind of attitudes on any Internet discussion board among any kind of group. I've seen the same kind of "hate" being thrown from Christian quarters, too.
> John Donne, building on the idea that we should love others as we love ourselves, made it clear that each death affected humanity the same, regardless of the person.
I like that attitude. I agree with it totally.
You were not hateful at ALL. And I mean no disrespect to your family but you are not, and have never been, a hater of anything. At least, not that I've seen.
And you've been one of the most important role models in my life. (But I know that you aren't perfect because you also happen to be human.) If it hadn't been for your (and Jim's) incredible show, I might not be as healthy as I am today. You helped me face my illness in a way that I had never been able to face it before and, whenever I feel myself filled with hate and anger at my situation, I think of you and the courage you have displayed in fighting your own battles and it helps get me through the dark times.
MY reaction to the passing of Rev. Falwell was far worse than yours. Despite all of the horrible, hateful things that Rev. Falwell had said during his life, you reacted to his passing with far more compassion than I did. By simply stating that yes, you had a justified but perhaps unwelcome thought when you heard the news, you followed it up with self-reflection about what this meant about you as a person, and I honestly think that Rev. Falwell did very little self-reflecting in his life.
So, is it worse to be filled with anger, and hate but think that you are justified in feeling that way because the people you scorn are "sinners"--or to feel those same feelings of anger but have the courage to admit that anger is not the answer, regardless of how much you might despise a person?
And if you really want to feel better about yourself: My friends and I had a freakin' PARTY when we heard that Falwell had died.
(And we didn't feel very bad about doing so because the man was just plain evil. Although that is certainly a matter of opinion, I suppose.)
I agree that you were just sharing your intial gut reaction. However, that initial gut reaction was one of hate. That's probably the concern your family member had. For you to post it and put it out there for thought is probably a good thing. However, how much more good would be accomplished if you accepted the fact you did have a reaction of hate and that is something you need to work on? I thought that's what you were doing, but this post leads me to believe you deny that the reaction was one of hate.
> I thought that's what you were doing, but this post leads me to believe you deny that the reaction was one of hate.
A good point.
My family member basically said to me that "if someone read this blog, they'd think I was just a hater and it would keep others from reading my blog. In other words, that I was come off as a hateMONGER.
And my point, in reaction to it, was not to deny that I was feeling "hate" for Jerry Falwell -- it's obvious that I was was. That was the "confession" I began the blog entry with.
The issue is whether I've just "turned into a hater" in general, and whether I was promoting hate on my site.
When someone is as opinionated as you are (and by the way, I speak now from personal experience as one who is as opinionated as you are - lol), you not only express feelings strongly, you feel feelings strongly. It's your cross to bear. You hate everything Jerry Falwell stood for. Hate it. Hate it with a passion. Because it's difficult to separate the person from their beliefs, you often hate the person by extension. That's not abnormal, by the way. In fact, it's quite normal. We all do it at times.
I think what offended your dear family member is that your hatred of Falwell and his beliefs, by extension, is a hatred of their beliefs. You aren't just attacking Falwell. You are attacking their very walk with God and their very image of God. It hurts them to see that because they have seen all the good that has come from their walk with God.
What keeps you from hating them? They believe the same way as Falwell? If you find the answer to that question, you'll find a way to wish the Reverend Falwell a peaceful eternity.
Oh, and you'll have solved one of the world's most difficult questions...
> I think what offended your dear family member is that your hatred of Falwell and his beliefs, by extension, is a hatred of their beliefs. You aren't just attacking Falwell. You are attacking their very walk with God and their very image of God. It hurts them to see that because they have seen all the good that has come from their walk with God.
That's an excellent point, too. What I pointed out, however, to my family member, was that Falwell isn't them. Falwell was a politician as much as he was a "pastor." And that I saw in him something I never saw in my family: a duplicitous insincerity.
It wasn't Falwell's particular theology that I hated (though I was in disagreement with it), it was his willingness to use his position as a "man of God" to force the government to interfere in the lives of people like myself. To insert himself into our homes and our families. Also, the rules he created at his University were VERY harmful and hurtful to GLBT youth.
I have read the stories that have come out of there and they are scary and vicious.
> What keeps you from hating them? They believe the same way as Falwell? If you find the answer to that question, you'll find a way to wish the Reverend Falwell a peaceful eternity.
In Soul Force teachings, we are taught to love our opponent by assuming the best about him. That, in our disagreements, we simply believe that our opponent is a product of misinformation and that he is doing the best with what he knows.
If I approach Falwell that way; if I assume that he simply was wrong because he was taught wrong, then perhaps I can forgive what he did on this earth.
I'm curious about something. Do you think it was always Falwell's intention to become a political activist? I remember reading a story about Jim Bakker once and it was interesting to see how, prior to his fame, he was actually a hard-working, hard-preaching minister. Then, he suddenly became that talk show guy we all grew to loathe. I wonder if Falwell began the same way. Fame can be a serious drug.
> Fame can be a serious drug.
Especially when you have Presidents and Party leaders falling at your feet begging for your support. He never missed an opportunity to be on CNN. And he never missed an opportunity to turn the world against gay people.
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