Newsletter #9: Halloween Song No. 2 & New Beatles

"After I Die" (below) is a new COMEDY song that ISN'T ABOUT ME, but Jim doesn't like it because he doesn't like to think about me dying, so I get that. And my friend Jane, when I played it in her living room last week, didn't love it because "It doesn't sound like you!"

However, they BOTH agreed it was funny and witty and worked AS A SONG. They just didn't like me doing it. :)

But I made it for your Halloween Playlist because it's silly and perfect for the kind of dark humor Halloween plays around with. Me, I like to joke around about death because that's what this kind of holiday is meant to do. It's like laughing at monsters or going to a horror movie. It's good for the soul. I swear I wasn't trying to upset anyone.

But before that, my Beatles Sing-Along video of the week. It's short because this past Wednesday was John Lennon's birthday, so a big band took our place in the garden and they had an all-day Beatles sing-along where the huge crowd sang all the songs with the band.

But on Friday, we got our usual morning slot and I managed to coax a few ADORABLE folks up to sing. https://youtu.be/m0p_riKg1MA

AFTER I DIE
©2024 by Steve Schalchlin

After I die I want college students
Playing with my bones
Breaking in on drunken nights
After hours puppet shows

When I will my body
To a science class
They can play with all my parts
And show my bony ass

I won’t care
Playing marbles with my eye
I won’t care
After I die

After I'm gone hang my skeleton
High on Halloween
Scare the kids on trick or treat
Make them scream

I will listen closely
From the great beyond
I’ll come back and haunt them
Even after I’m gone
I won’t care
After I die

Since you’ve already torn my heart to shreds.
And hosted so many others in my bed
Since you’ve cut me apart
While me I’m still alive
I won’t care
Cuz I’ll be hard and dry
After I die

Use me like a sex toy
Or beat me like a drum
Finally I can be of use
To someone

You already killed me inside
And that’s why
I won’t care
After I die

See? It's just some dark humor for a dark and spooky night. Put it on your Halloween playlist and run it all night! Or better yet, make a video with yourself singing it in costume! I'll feature you here on the newsletter!

Spotify link:
https://open.spotify.com/track/3Hdl72zMzYa5SnldRJszsr?si=9269925824f94ed0

Apple Music link:
https://music.apple.com/us/album/after-i-die-feat-bonus-round-band-single/1773280518

Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0DJRPD99B?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_KwBgNSaXyudXZ58yePvdPXoYR&trackAsin=B0DJRPNJGT

YouTube Music:
https://youtu.be/wgqB6FLwBxY?si=hDhBdP4WAOLzU47C

[This is the hand-crafted, no-AI, non-bot newsletter of Steve Schalchlin. If you wish to be sign up for the list, send an email steveshack@gmail.com.]

#8: Halloween Song #1 - Zombie Funk

I know you've been looking for Halloween songs for your party playlist or to play for the trick-or-treaters. I got ya!

Also, this week at Strawberry Fields, singing Beatles songs with Gavin Gold, I made a video made on my birthday featuring tourists from around the world. They are so adorable and it's personally thrilling to be able to spread so much joy.

Beatles video:
https://youtu.be/XCl0TbHCAfM?si=e4HA-chFt2XNTTDl.)

The Zombie song is a few years old. But next week, I have a brand NEW Halloween song. Both of these enlist a little dark humor. And if you look really closely, maybe a little social commentary. But mostly, it's fun and silly. Lyrics for today's song with links below:

ZOMBIE FUNK (I'm So Glad I'm Not A Zombie)
©2015 Steve Schalchlin

If I were a zombie
I’d stare into space
and wander around
Shuffling from room to room

If I were a zombie
I’d stumble thru life
Not noticing art
Looking for stuff to consume
Stuff to consume

My skin would be rotting
My teeth falling out
My arm prob’ly broken
My legs barely moving
No grooving to the music

I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
I’m so glad I’m not a zombie

No, not me

If I were a zombie
I wouldn’t have to think
I’d just let feelings
Push me into the street


I’d see other zombies
And smell their zombie stink
But I wouldn’t notice
I’d only want fresh meat

My feet, they would fall off
My hands, they would grasp for
More steaming entrails
People to tear apart
Lives to annihilate
No time to hate just moving on
Just moving on

I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
I’m so glad i’m not a zombie
I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
No, not me, no way

I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
I’m so glad i’m not a zombie

Like you
I’d be surrounded by flies
I give each one a name
They’d bury eggs within me
and I get to know their kids
I’m so glad I’m not a zombie
I’m so glad i’m not a zombie

Like you

YouTube link with lyrics:
https://youtu.be/uwNvdLTMZiw?si=NCuIfmNGk-yFbrSU

Spotify link:
https://open.spotify.com/track/1hMlQxVcZ0bKj4tSZofmdp?si=ccfae08e27234ad6

Apple Music:
https://music.apple.com/us/album/zombie-funk-feat-steve-schalchlin-single/1050474927

Amazon Music:
https://amazon.com/music/player/albums/B016SS9K9Y?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_3VpYytBZDrA7GOoQUpxLIhVd8&trackAsin=B016SS9L5C

[This is the hand-crafted, no-AI, non-bot newsletter of Steve Schalchlin. If you wish to be removed from the list, send me an email. If someone sent you this and you want to be added, write me at steveshack@gmail.com]

#7b: Birthday Quick Links to "All That and More"

Today actually is my birthday, so All That and More is officially released. Here are the lyrics and the links to listen to the song are below.

All That and More
©2024 by Steve Schalchlin

I recall a meal aboard a
Luxury cruise line
Where the champagne was poured
From a silver chalice
Engraved with the name of
An old Russian palace

Then an orchestra played
A gossamer icing
Danced across the mirrored floor
I look at you and think
You are all that and more

I saw a museum in Paris
On a tree-lined boulevard
With Picassos on the walls
Adorned in rivers of blue
Even recognized
A masterpiece or two

I’ve climbed the Great Wall
Stretched across China
Saw fields as old as the sun
With acres of gardens
Planted centuries before
Then I see you and think
You are all that and more

The aurora borealis
Dazzling curtains of color
With light from heaven’s shore
Of every place I’ve ever been
Any poem I’ve ever read
Every song that’s drifted through my door
But then I look into your eyes and see
You are all that and more

You are all that and more

Spotfy link:
https://open.spotify.com/track/6gMu9D4z5qtRlXoFQiSRGu?si=2bbf9bad396742d6

Apple Music:
https://music.apple.com/us/album/all-that-and-more-feat-bonus-round-band/1771907094?i=1771907095

YouTube:
https://youtu.be/ID2NJmyOSfc?si=yv2wwB8SjXHbi5FR

Amazon Music:
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0DJC94VTH?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_Ud0B4BtrPJpYkCjmxP2cKbk2r&trackAsin=B0DJC81HJ9

If you purchase the song, that's the best way to support indie artists like myself. But please feel free to stream it, but if you do, add it to a playlist.

And thank you for all the wonderful good wishes I received this week. Being alive is a miracle so don't waste it! --

Newsletter #7: It's my birthday week!

I'll be 71 on Friday, October 4th.

It seems unfathomable. Jim and I were watching an old What's My Line from the 50s and they introduced a very old man who, when he said he was 70 years old, got a huge round of applause from the audience. Back then, that was OLD. I used to think it was ANCIENT. Unreachable, when I was a kid.

After my AIDS diagnosis and subsequent trauma and near-misses, I remember writing in my diary how much I hoped to just see one staged reading of The Last Session. I didn't so much see it as experience it from the stage still hooked up to "Louie," my feed bag. Some of you may remember those days.

Here's a link to the opening night as recorded in my online diary: http://bonusround.com/july96.html#7_18_96

After I won the lottery and Dr. Bruce Dorsey's magic pills saved my life, my goal was to see the year 2000.

So to be here, still grinding away and writing and recording and playing Beatles music in the park, this is a bonus round I couldn't have expected. I'm still making it up as I go along, not knowing what's going to happen next.

The new song gets officially released on Friday, my birthday. It's called, appropriately, All This and More. It was debuted "live" onboard the Crystal Serenity, our cruise a few weeks ago by a singer named Bruce Hammond, who learned it only two days previously. (I chased him down after breakfast and said, "Hey Bruce! Wanna debut a new song?")

Bruce Hammond did a beautiful job, captured here:

I'll send you the link to my new version next week after it's released so you can include it in your playlists. Meanwhile, enjoy Bruce's version and remember to be grateful for all the people around you and for every breath you take.

If you wish to donate to my work on Venmo or PayPal, use my email steveshack@gmail.com

This is the Steve Schalchlin newsletter. If you wish to be included on the email list, let me know!