Glamour. Glitz. And People Who Take Themselves Way Too Seriously. Yes, It's Oscar Time, and The Hemo2Homo Connection weighs in with their thoughts and favorites.
Best Actor Award
Homo: It is gonna be Daniel Day Lewis for doing the best John Houston imitation of the year.
Hemo: I disagree. It's Johnny Depp for the Edward Scissorhands sequel.
Best Supporting Actor
Hemo: Ben Affleck's little bro. Finally, Hollywood tells the story of the legendary outlaw Jesse James.
Homo: Javier Bardem for supporting actor for best new way to kill people in a movie while wearing a twisted Beatle haircut.
Best Actress Award
Homo: Marion Cotillard gave by far the greatest performance of film in the last decade but god knows if they'll give it to her. If they don't, I'm going to put my fingers in my ears and go "La la la la" during the acceptance speech.
Hemo: Laura Linney, for her role as Miss Elizabeth in the "Macho Man" Randy Savage bio-pic, The Savages.
Best Supporting Actress
Homo: Supporting Actress should go to Amy Ryan for "Gone Baby Gone." Great, baby great. But it'll probably go to Ruby Dee cuz, well, it's Ruby Dee. But frankly, I didn't like her in that movie.
Hemo: Cate Blanchett for I'm Not There, only because I wasn't there for any of the movies in this category.
Homo: Oh, you're probably right. By this time, it's obligatory to give Cate Blanchett an Oscar every time she sneezes on screen. But if you haven't seen any other movies, what have you seen?
Homo: OK, that's it, I'm taking it from here.
Hemo: Have at it. But Rambo was good.
Homo: Best Animated Film is RATATOUILLE, a film that will outlive all the other movies made this year.
Direction: No Country For Old Men. Hands down, a great piece of filmmaking.
Best Movie: No Country for Old Men. Driving, intense, brilliant.
Hemo: Best Action Movie: Rambo.
Homo: How about no action movies for old men, please? And if you're going to be a world famous film critic, you should try seeing a few movies.
The Hemo2Homo Connection's creators met online in 1996, and posted their first movie review in 1998. Both have been living with HIV for over twenty years, and have annoyed their friends and loved ones for longer than that. Steve Schalchlin resides in Los Angeles, CA. He is an award-winning musician, singer and songwriter. Shawn Decker lives in Charlottesville, VA. He is the author of My Pet Virus.