I'm gonna judge Santa Claus Dec 12.

I will be the judge. Dec. 12, in the "Miracle on 34th Street, the musical," formerly known by the generic title "Here's Love". And guess who plays Santa Claus? Hint: He once played Zero Mostel and he's currently rehearsing as "The Man Who Came To Dinner."

Here's the letter I received from the director, Jacob Shoesmith Fox:

Mr. Schalchlin, 

I am the Director of the Actors Fund benefit performance of Miracle On 34th Street: The Musical (formerly titled Here's Love) starring Jim on December 12th, and I wanted to offer you the role of Judge Martin Group, a featured character in the second act. The judge feels compelled to see the trial that occurs in the second act to the end, despite the pressure he receives from all sides. He sings in the song "My State". 

If interested we would also like you to appear in the final scene of Act 1 as Mr. Gimble, the owner of the rival department store. The benefit will be held at the St. Luke's Theatre at 308 West 46th Street in Manhattan on the evening of Monday, December 12th. Tony Yazbeck (Chicago, Gypsy) will be playing Captain Fred Gaily, Kimberly Faye Greenberg (One Night With Fanny Brice, Danny and Sylvia, co-founder of Broadwayblogspot.com) is set for the role of Doris Walker and Brian Childers (Danny and Sylvia, co-founder of Broadwayblogspot.com) is set for the featured role of Marvin Shellhammer. Daniel Greenwood, a lead tenor with the New York Gilbert and Sullivan Players, will be playing Tammany O'Halloran, a political boss who is close with the judge. There are currently offers out for some of the other roles. Seth Bisen-Hersh will be our Music Director.

Now, how can I turn that down? Is this my first professional acting role not based on a character based on myself? Hmmm. Maybe I could just pretend the judge has AIDS.