Note to a Christian conservative.

I posted this on a board that consists of Christian conservatives. They were citing statistics about the promiscuity of the gay community.

When it comes to your anger and frustration and judgment, I wish you could see the world through my experiences -- growing up Baptist, preacher's kid, scared to death that God hated me. And once the Calvinist in my life informed me that being gay was "proof" that I was doomed to hell, I thought, "Well, then. That means I have no chance, anyway. Might as well live it up!"
Took me awhile to get out. I had a band I had to tell. I had a family who I could not tell. I was living in my college town (Baptist). 

And the only anchor I had in life -- my relationship with God -- was just, "according to the Bible," severed forever. 

My 23 year old head said, "You're free!" 

Why wouldn't I go and have the time of my life? If I had no chance for heaven anyway, then wow! 

Now, I realize not every kid has a Calvinist to help him along on the road to perdition, but really, every gay kid who grows up in a Christian conservative home, gets this message. It was in my head long before I met the Calvinist. What would you have done? 

Imagine your 23 year old self, a virgin whose life experience consisted solely of church, now tossed out into the big world. 

Now, straight men, imagine yourself moving to a big city, alone. Naive. In my case, Dallas. You've now been told that God has abandoned you. You go to a club. You don't even know the names of drinks. So, you're scared and alone. 

In the far country. As foreign to you as a going to Cuba. And then you notice something else. The bar is filled with nothing but women. Beautiful women. And they all hug you, talk to you, want you, embrace you. They're wounded, too. And they accept you just the way you are, flaws and all. 

I know that you think of gay bars and are probably horrified and think, with big red letters SIN. And I'm not making excuses for the choices I made that eventually landed me in the hospital facing my mortality. 

I'm just saying that it's easy to judge another person's life. Until you really have walked in my shoes, your protestations -- and I mean this with gentleness and respect -- about all that promiscuity fall on deaf ears because you look at a statistic and make a judgment call about an entire group of people. 

This is what your opponents do to you, too, btw. When I saw it in myself, I made myself stop. I cannot judge you without knowing you. 

In my experience, true ministry is about listening. When you know the heart of that person across from you, you've given them something way more valuable than your opinion. You've given them your time. 

And as Katherine Hepburn told Jim Brochu after he asked about why her lamps were tied to the ceiling with strings; she knocked one aside, it started swinging back and forth like a pendulum, and she dusted the table beneath. Then she said, "Saves time. And time is all we've got, you know."

How Marty Delaney Changed Medicine.

From my friend, Ken McPherson, who was one of the first AIDS activists. Ken migrated to San Francisco early in the 80s and set up an information table at "Hibernia Beach," a corner in the Castro.

I just went to your blog and learned about Marty Delaney.

He really was an extraordinary person. I spent two years on the board of directors of D.A.I.R. (Documentation of AIDS Issues and Research) with Marty in the late 80s. He wrote about my work in his autobiography.

I was there when he began smuggling ribavirin and isoprenizine over the Mexican border to begin testing the validity of combination therapy. The doctors wouldn't do the testing, "too risky". Yeah. Tell that to people who are dying... That really pissed him off.

So he rented the office next to DAIR and began Project Inform. At the time, it was almost impossible for PWA's to get in-depth information on the epidemic. People forget how paternalistic the medical community was at in those days. Patients were expected to do what their doctors told him and otherwise, keep quiet.

As a result of Marty's work, PWA's soon stopped thinking of themselves as "victims" and began taking personal responsibility for their health. Project Inform played a major role in the patient's rights movement by providing a model in which doctors and patients were a team; something we now take for granted. What an amazing legacy.

Rest In Peace HIV Hero Martin Delaney

From Project Inform:

Project Inform announces the passing
of founder, Martin Delaney

Friday, January 23, 2009

Dear Friends —

It is with profound sadness that Project Inform announces the passing this morning of our Founder, Martin Delaney. He was 63 years old.

Martin Delaney, Founder, Project Inform

When the full history of the HIV/AIDS epidemic is written, there can be no doubt that Marty will rank as one of the greatest contributors to ending this great human tragedy. Those of us living with HIV, and all of us who care about people living with HIV, mourn the loss of this great leader, lifesaver and wonderful human being.

Marty’s activism is legendary. He was a true David among many Goliaths. He has assured that government, researchers and pharmaceutical companies understand and respond to the needs of HIV-positive people. He heavily influenced the development of the strong arsenal of medications we now have to prolong life for millions of people worldwide.

Personally and through Project Inform, Marty has educated or counseled tens of thousands of HIV-positive individuals and their caregivers about how to treat HIV. A day does not pass in the life of this agency that we do not hear from a person living with HIV or a supporter about a life lengthened or saved as a result of Marty’s efforts.

Intellect, activist, diplomat, mentor, friend — each of us will remember Marty for the great attributes he brought to his lifesaving work. We will miss him terribly.

Project Inform’s offices will be open today, Friday, January 23 until 7pm and on Saturday, January 24 from 10am to 4pm so that friends can drop by to be in community with one another in response to this great loss. We are located at 1375 Mission Street at 10th Street in San Francisco.

We will provide information as quickly as we are able about the date of a public event to memorialize Marty. Emails can be sent to Project Inform, and cards can be mailed to Project Inform, 1375 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA 94103.

The Staff and Volunteers of Project Inform

Video: Steve & Jim Do Egypt.

Why the Middle East is such a mess: Jim & Steve visited.

A Stopette History Lesson From "What's My Line?"

I keep meaning to bring up another little history lesson that came from watching the B&W games shows on the Game Show Network.

When you watch the beginning episodes, you can tell they're still proving themselves to sponors. But along about 1953, just before the panel finalized, the set suddenly got slicked up and transformed with its permanent new motif:

Stopette Modern.

Splashed across the panel table is a huge white, round, tipped squeeze bottle with lines of simulated spray streaked across the words "Stopette."

Also, on the flip cards, the dollar amounts are now adorned with a squeeze bottle and action spray of "Stopette."

After seeing this week after week last year, Jim and I decided to do a little web search and see if we could find out anything about Stopette.

Well! Here's a quote from a nostalgia website called Old Time.

Stopette was the modern product of its time. Before the days of the modern deodorant products we are familiar today, deodorant was made in either cream or liquid. Stopette was a liquid deodorant, but it was known as “The Original Spray Deodorant.” Why it was called a spray and not a liquid was due to the packaging the deodorant came in. It was packaging no one had ever seen before--- the flexi-plastic squeeze bottle.

Oddly, there's no mention of "Stopette" or Dr. Martinier on Wikipedia even though I swear I had seen them on there before.

Black & White TV Shows Are A Window Into The Past.

Jim tapes the black and white episodes of "What's My Line" and "I've Got A Secret" on "Game Show Network." They are a fascinating window into the past. I wish some real historian would host these re-runs because there's a wealth of fascinating information that can be gleaned from almost every episode.

For instance, last night Desi Arnaz was the "surprise mystery guest" on "What's My Line?" from Nov. 9, 1952. When John Charles Daley was sending him on his way, he mentioned how popular "I Love Lucy" was and then praised it for its "honesty."

Honesty? Really?

Is that how the show was perceived in 1952? Was it "edgy?" Nowadays, we think of the show as almost baggy pants comedy focusing on Lucy's outrageous stunts. In 1952, the pregnancy thing hasn't happened.

What quality, I wonder, made it "honest?" The fact that they showed them in their bedroom (albeit with separate beds)? It was just something that caught my attention and jarred me for a moment.

Also last night, on "I've Got A Secret" there was a couple. An older woman sitting on one side of host Gary Moore, and a middle aged man sitting on the other. The secret was two part:

1. That she had been his school teacher when he was a kid and, as a punishment, had made him write 50 times "I will not talk in class."

2. And now, years later, she had stood before him, a judge, for speeding, and as her punishment, he sentenced her to write "I will not exceed the speed limit" 100 times.

Cute, right? So Gary asks her, after the secret has been revealed, "How did you feel standing before your former student?"

She looked over at him, slowly lowered her eyes and whispered, "Ashamed."

Ashamed. Ashamed that she, as a teacher had failed her student. It was touching.

After a moment, I looked over and Jim and said, "We live in a different world."

I can't even imagine that answer today. It'd be more like, "Oh, thank god. Maybe I'll get off with a light sentence" or "How can I turn this into a TV reality series."

As the show has progressed through time the last couple of weeks, we also witnessed the disappearance of original panelist, poet and wit Louis Untermeyer from the "What's My Line?" line-up. Looking it up later on, we discovered he had just been blacklisted (Just like Zero Mostel).

And the current "comedian" panelist, Hal Bloch, is about to get the boot for an entirely different reason...