Dr. Ruchi, who is so beautiful, she makes me wish I were straight, looked at me and said, rather directly, "Your A1C is way higher than its ever been. 8.7. What happened?"
What could I say? "I've been totally lazy, totally eating lousy food, and completely frustrated."
"Well, my feet. I know I should be out running, but with this nerve damage, I can't just go buy athletic shoes. Everything hurts to the point that I'm crippled."
"Well, you could do bikes or weight lifting..."
"I know. I know. I'm just..."
"Okay. It's okay. I hear how frustrated you are."
"I'll figure it out. I'm just so unmotivated."
"Do you think it's because Jim is gone?"
I wanted to say yes, but that's not it. Or maybe it is. It just always feels like I'm climbing uphill. I get to a place where the sugars are good, kinda, and then it all falls apart unless I stay on it all the time. And so I lose a couple of days and then it gets worse and I can't motivate myself back up again.
Oh, well. Time to start over. Again.
A new love song based on chaos theory. Because, romantic.
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