Dr. Ruchi, who is so beautiful, she makes me wish I were straight, looked at me and said, rather directly, "Your A1C is way higher than its ever been. 8.7. What happened?"
What could I say? "I've been totally lazy, totally eating lousy food, and completely frustrated."
"About what?"
"Well, my feet. I know I should be out running, but with this nerve damage, I can't just go buy athletic shoes. Everything hurts to the point that I'm crippled."
"Well, you could do bikes or weight lifting..."
"I know. I know. I'm just..."
"Okay. It's okay. I hear how frustrated you are."
"I'll figure it out. I'm just so unmotivated."
"Do you think it's because Jim is gone?"
I wanted to say yes, but that's not it. Or maybe it is. It just always feels like I'm climbing uphill. I get to a place where the sugars are good, kinda, and then it all falls apart unless I stay on it all the time. And so I lose a couple of days and then it gets worse and I can't motivate myself back up again.
Oh, well. Time to start over. Again.
3 comments:
=(
get well!
Boy, do I relate! Why do we hate ourselves so much?
I relate to pains in the feet, carb counting, endless (fattening) medicines such as Actos, Lyrica, Januvia, Metformin and Byetta, daily finger pricks and blood sampling and an overall sense of the futility of it all.
I was fortunate in that I had lots of examples in my childhood of family members who neglected their diabetes... and I didn't want to wind up like them.
So I get it, Brother. From my heart straight to yours.
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