"Hey, big boy. Can I give you a back rub?"
Yesterday, instead of sleeping all day, I decided to turn my exercise period into a chance to just clear my head and see a movie. I've been wanting to see Ghost Rider, even though I knew it was supposed to be a bad movie. It's just that I used to read the comic book and always liked the character. I mean how bad could it be?
Real bad. Worse than bad. Mind-numbingly, boringly bad. The kind of bad where you know whoever made it had no idea of how to create characters, build tension, shoot a scene or make anything remotely dramatic or believable. God. Deadly, deadly dull.
Disappointed, I left the theater and noticed that "300" was playing. I knew it was supposed to be bad, too. And I thought, well, as long as I've already paid to be in here, I might as well see if it's as bad as Ghost Rider. So, I called Jim to make sure nothing was happening at home, and it wasn't. We got our boxes in from New York with the rest of our stuff, including my studio microphone (YAY!), so I got some popcorn and a Diet Coke and plopped down in my seat listening to Leo Laporte on the iPod while ignoring the massive Sony pre-show ad campaign playing out on the screen.
300 wasn't as bad. It was like a big moving painting of a gay orgy where everyone chops off each others' arms, legs and heads instead of having sex. Lots of sweaty naked, muscle men bonding together wearing S&M costumes while pledging fealty to each other and Sparta. It was spectacularly beautiful and dream-like. But it was also consisted of little more than two hours of fighting. And lots of screaming out loud about "glory" and "honor" or something.
All the Spartans were white gym-bunnies wearing red cloaks -- haven't we already learned how heavy and clumsy cloaks are? -- and all the "Persians" were either black or brown or monsters. The colored hoards East overwhelming the good white people of the West.
After it was over, I had a good, long walk home as part two of my exercise routine and then spent the late afternoon recording vocals to the new songs I've been working on. Yes, folks, new songs are on the way. I will be presenting some soon. Just hang on. All will be revealed.
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