A friend of mine on a discussion board pointed me toward this article, Sex As A Weapon, and asked my opinion if the evangelical world really felt this way about manliness. I responded this way:
One of the aspects I find among those who "follow the exgay path" is how erotically they speak of Jesus. Jesus, in effect, becomes their new gay lover who holds them in His arms. They constantly write about how they no longer "need" gay sex because they are too busy "loving Jesus" in ways they usually describe that are more erotic that the most steamy novel you can buy at the cut-out bin at Wal-Mart.
Another thing to note is that evangelicals, for the most part, do not believe that homosexuality, as an orientation, actually exists. For them, ALL "homosexuals" are actually heterosexuals who've been either seduced into gay sex or fallen into it because they got demasculinized by women (or driven to it by a desire for eternal boyhood).
One of the psychiatrists, Dr. Paul Cameron, whom they both embrace and reject in varying ways, teaches that gay sex is way more fun than straight sex and, therefore, all straight men could turn gay if exposed to gay sex. As appealing as that might sound, it's been my experience that, while I've known a few straight guys who liked "being done," it only took the flash of a pair of nice boobs to make them turn straight again.
Their total denial of the FACT of homosexual persons is what drives men like Ted Haggard into a marriage, and then, subsequently, into the arms of a male hustler. The drugs, IMO, were not only about enhancing the sex act itself, but they also enabled him, in those hours alone with the muscle guy, to forget the wife and kids and career as a gay-hatin' leading light of the evangelical movement.
The books cited in the article, You, The Warrior Leader; The Barbarian Way and Fight on Your Knees; or, believe it or not, God's Gift To Women are, IMO, simply a reflection of the fact that white males feel they've lost something in the culture -- notice how they go back, dreamily, to an era before women got the vote -- when women were allowed a voice, bank accounts, and authority (over men) and jobs.
The most manly heterosexual men I know embrace a strong woman, love their gay friends, and delight at the prospect of being a human among equals. They aren't afraid of having lost their manliness because the woman they married might actually have some brains. They feel empowered when they are able to talk to their gay friends about intimate male issues. (I have a straight friend now who asks me about male grooming and other intimate areas because he feels he can't discuss these things with any straight men).
The pathetic men who read and write books about needing to claim their warriorship, their headliness, their masculinity, etc. seek to recover this so-called loss of power by making others their inferior. Like bullies in a schoolyard attempting to prove their masculinity by fag-bashing.
They project themselves as lord and master in a sick charade of shields and swords and costumes. Those things might be cute on Halloween or impressive in a fetish sex club, but in real life, a man who is confident in his manhood usually demonstrates his masculinity through reading, writing, making gentle, compassionate love and, hell, even doing the dishes or cleaning up around the house every once in awhile. And that goes for straight as well as gay.
The real threats to manhood are not women and homosexuals. The real threats to manhood are insincerity, insecurity, homophobia, misogyny and books that tell men to "act like men."
TAGS: masculinity, spirituality, manhood, Ted Haggard, evangelicals.
BRIEF BLOG INTRO:
I'm a man on a mission. A mission to convince everyone I meet that life is worth living, no matter how many obstacles are placed in your way.
I'm a singer/songwriter and actor from Texas "Living in the Bonus Round" in New York City. That is my way of describing how I feel having cheated death. (In a game show, the Bonus Round is where time speeds up and the prizes are better.) Accepting my death changed me. Now, I'm consuming life as quickly and as fully as I can, while still taking time to breathe and appreciate every single day as an utter miracle.
Last year, I turned 60 and I had a set of goals, all of which came true, including composing -- and performing in -- a Mass, recording a solo album (selling 10s of copies), headlining to a sold out house at a major night club in New York City and played the lead role in a staged reading of a play not written by myself. I update a few times a month these days, and I don't spam. So it's easier to keep up with me by following by Email. When this blog began, it was to track my death. I'm told it was the first AIDS blog. You can start at the gruesome beginning if you want. Or just jump in and maybe we can learn some life lessons together. Welcome to the Bonus Round. I'm Steve [SHACK-lin].